Heaven Only Knows
by remiparker
Summary: Back stateside after a difficult op, Trent has some trouble sleeping. Good thing his brothers are there to help him. *please read warnings inside*
1. War of Mind

**AN: This is my last weekend of summer, and I figured I share with you all my latest project. Insomnia is something I struggle with and this idea came to be in the middle of the night (because why not). It started out as a OS that I was going to put into my _Brothers_ collection, but if you've been following my stories for a little bit, then you know how they can easily get out of hand. Its only three chapters, but its going to get kinda weird (no cliffhangers), so please bear with me.  
**

**Just a few warnings before you jump in. There are mentions/mild descriptions of child soldiers, and mild descriptions of main characters/main dog injuries/deaths. But this is NOT an outright deathfic. Its all a dream, as you will see if you so chose to continue to read.**

**Plot: When Bravo gets back stateside after an op, Trent has some trouble sleeping. Good thing his brothers are there to help him.**

Chapter 1: War of Mind

**After**

He shuffled into his home, dropped his bag on the floor and headed straight for the kitchen. He doesn't remember unlocking the front door. Nor does he recall grabbing a glass from the dish rack and overfilling it from the tap. He's pretty sure he has fancy bottled water he mom bought but didn't like, so… eh, it doesn't matter.

Trent finished the water and heads for his room. He really wants to shower, but something in the back of his mind told him that would likely be a mistake as he was already half asleep anyway. Sleep sounds real nice. He'd also need to do laundry in the morning after he showers. Maybe he'll save a step and wash the soon-to-be sweaty sheets in the shower, along with his clothes.

_Ah, shit. I've been hanging around Sonny too long._ Trent removes his clothes, pulls on a fresh pair of briefs, even though he's going to have to wash those too, and tosses the pile by his door as a reminder to wash them when he gets up. Something else comes to mind and he thinks, _Or is that something Clay would do?_

Sawyer had just sat down on the edge of the bed when a blur trots up to him. Years of training was ingrained into him, so he was not really surprised to see Cerberus. He just couldn't figure out _why_ Brock's dog was in his house _without_ Brock.

Panic raises in his chest as he flashes back to the mission.

_He was busy… looked, saw Brock go down… but he couldn't help… and the blood, there was so much… and the team..._

"There you are, bubba." Trent looks up towards his doorway, sees Brock standing there with a towel slung over his shoulder. "Sorry, I told him to stay by the back door until I could get him cleaned off some more."

Trent shakes his head, trying to clear his momentary confusion. "Don't worry about it. I'll need to have a weekend cleaning party here pretty soon, anyway."

"Let me know when and I'll bring my and Cerb's things over."

"Yeah, sure thing." says Sawyer through a lengthy yawn.

Brock steps down the hall, but quickly returns. "Do you mind if I use your hose out back? Gotta get the rest of that dirt out of Cerb's ears."

"It's two in the morning." Trent looks at his watch, sighs at the fact they have only been back in the states barely an hour. "Use the shower. It's big enough. I think there's a bottle of his oatmeal shampoo under the sink. Hell, maybe even ear wash, too."

"Already got a bottle of ear wash, but thanks." says Brock. "I'll just crash on the couch. Are the spare blankets still in the hall?"

His tired eyes land on the bandage around Brock's head. How many stitches did he take? Seven? Ten? Realizing he spaced out, he nods, "Yeah. Pillows, too."

He waits until his brother leaves with the dog. Waits until the bathroom door closes and the tap is turned on, before he runs a dry hand down his bearded face. He washed the blood off as soon as he was able, but he could still feel it under his fingernails.

Trent lays down, closes his eyes. He just wants to rest, sleep, and forget about the mission.

That isn't what happened.

#

**Before**

No mission was perfect. You could plan for every contingency, work out all of the kinks before you make it to country. You could pack and prepare for anything that may be thrown your way, but in the end, that still won't be enough.

Bravo Team had been sent to a small African village to escort a missionary family back to the states, as the region was on the brink of a civil war. Friends of the family, friends in high places, called in every favor they had to get the best of the best on such short notice. And when word worked its way down the chain to Blackburn and Bravo, they all knew they would be in for a ride.

Sonny mentions something it being below their pay-grade on the flight, but other than that, he remained quiet on the subject. Not many words were spoken. They knew what they had to do: land, locate the family, bring the family back to the plane, and take off before a war broke out.

It turned out to be a little harder than expected as they walked to the village.

Jason calls for the team to stop as the approach the edge of the village. They crouch down in the tall, dry brush. He watches armed men-no, boys. They were just kids. But the AK-47s they shouldered were still very much a problem.

Friends of the Hartley family pressured Blackburn (and Brass, too, for that matter) to do whatever it took to get them back to the states safely. That was politician speak for _I don't care who gets in your way, just make it happen and keep it quiet._ This was not good and Eric did not know what all his men were getting into.

No ISR. No intel on the region, why war was a likely occurrence. They were going in blind. Not ideal, to say the least.

Bravo team was not going to execute children just so a couple of political animals could use this op as a pedestal towards something out of reach and even more unattainable.

"Do we know which hut is theirs?" Hayes asks as he peers through binoculars.

Ray points to a map Mandy managed to snatch from lord knows where. While the village itself is not on the map, Bravo still uses it to mark where everything is. "The Hartley's friends think it'll be this one, fourth one from the west. The daughter likes to watch the sun set."

"At least it ain't smack dab in the middle of the village." quips Sonny from his watch position.

"Yeah, but it might as well be. We can't go stealth, the grass thins out the closer we get to the path that leads to their watering hole." Ray points to the map as he speaks, then turns to Jason. "These boys could just be protecting their home from the real problem."

"With AK-47s?"

"I'm just saying, brother. Like David and Goliath, but with guns instead of a pebble and slingshot."

"I know, Ray. But they could be the problem." Jason curses as he leans on his elbows. "There's just too much we don't know."

"Why don't we just go talk to them?" no one is surprised by Spenser's suggestion. In fact, he made that same suggestion in their briefing, but the Hartley's friends quickly shot the idea down (why they were even in on that briefing was any one's incorrect guess).

"Are you telling me you speak… that?" Sonny asks with a raised brow.

"No, I'm not. Some African dialect is close enough to-"

"I don't care how it works, Clay. Can you do it?"

Clay gives a firm nod. "Yes."

"Jase-" Ray starts, pauses, then slowly continues. "Brass said don't talk to the locals. Just get the family and get out."

Brass and the politicians trusted Bravo to do their job, but it was Blackburn who wanted to make sure no one in the village was hurt in the process. Stealth was the first option, but that quickly flew out the window when Bravo hit the round. Now they don't have a choice but to talk to the village leader, while hoping it will be enough to get the Hartley family. Jason trusted his men and was willing to make changes that would be best for them and the family.

"Did they? I must've missed that." Jason gets to his knees, puts his binoculars into his bag and readies his weapon. "Alright, kid, you take point. Tell them we are taking the family and leaving. That's it. Got it?"

Clay gets to his feet, starts down the path. "Copy that."

"Brock, you and Ray are on overwatch. Don't know how these people take to animals, so best if Cerb stays unless we need him." Jason tries not to think about Brock explaining to the Hartley's friends that Cerb was, in fact, not needed for this op. Clearly that information fell on deaf or ignorant ears. "Trent, Sonny, let's go."

**AN: Next chapter will be up sometime Saturday.**


	2. What Really Happened

**AN: Thanks for the feedback and follows. Your comments make my heart and muse smile :)**

**Warning: graphic description of injury (but nothing worse than what we've seen on the show *glares at 2x17*)**

Chapter 2: What Really Happened

**Before**

Clay leads his brothers into the village. He kept his hand on his weapon, finger off the trigger, ready. He tried to gauge where these boys stood as he walked past them, tried to figure out if he was leading Bravo into a hornets nest or into a home being protected by the only able bodied people.

It takes a few minutes and a short conversation of broken English and mixed African dialects for Spenser to convey to the eldest boy that Bravo was only there to take the American family back to the states. Nothing else.

Everyone waited with bated breath until Clay and Jason were allowed to go to the hut to get the Hartley family. After twenty-seven seconds, they walked out with three members in tow.

_"Bravo Five, we are on the move. How are things looking?"_ asks Jason through the comms.

As he was spotting for Ray, Brock looks through his binoculars at the surrounding area. "Five to One, I see what appears to be a cloud of dirt building out east. Cannot tell if its the wind or something else."

It went without saying that he wasn't sure if it were fighting aged males coming to the village.

_"Copy that."_

Jason and Co. make good time up to the shrub covered hill Ray and Brock posted on. But by the time the rest of Bravo and the Hartley family crosses the ridge, chaos broke out within the heart of the village. It only took a few seconds, but multiple trucks appear and men-men only a handful of years older than the boys-spilled out, firing their own weapons into the air before pointing them at the villagers.

Shouts can be heard, easily carried by the growing wind. More dirt was kicked up into the air, just as comms cracked to life.

_"HAVOC base to all Bravo call signs. Increasing winds in the surrounding area have pushed our exfil time up." _says Blackburn. With no ISR, he can't see the developing situation on the ground. Regardless, the need to get in the air is all the same._ "Get a move on."_

Hayes doesn't have time to press the button of his comms when the shouts in the village grew louder. They turned into screams right as random bursts of gunfire filled the air again.

"Think they're looking for the family." Ray says looking through his scope, noticing the men are tearing through the huts in a growing fit of rage. "Jase, we gotta-"

Jason was about to respond to HAVOC, looks back to the village to see what Ray noticed, and order the people to move when he sees the young woman, Mia, drop like a bag of potatoes. Three people rush to her side-her parents and Trent-while five SEALs scan the area.

Bravo One calls for a sitrep; Ray, Sonny, Brock and Clay all confirm that the fighters are still below in the village, unaware of their presence. Jason's stomach drops when he turns his attention to Trent.

Bravo's medic had one hand pressed firmly to Mia's right hip, while trying to tear off the leg of her loose-fitting pants so he can see where all of the blood is pouring from. That, however, is not the image Mia's parents saw.

"Stop it! Stop, what are you doing to my baby!" the mother cries as she attempts to pull Trent away from Mia. Likewise her husband is screaming obscenities at the medic while aiding his wife in trying to remove the SEAL from their daughter.

"One! Trent yells as he tries to keep pressure on the wound and not punch the people they were sent to rescue.

Not even a second could pass before the parents were gently pulled away and he was able to get back to work. When he was finished tearing off the fabric, his can see what his problem is.

The bullet hole to Mia's hip wasn't the only wound to her leg, as Trent notes the exit wound to her lower inner thigh. The entry and exit wounds were clean, but he could clearly see muscle damage and some of the bone. He curses, packs that wounds quickly after he's cleaned some of the dirt away.

"Four?"

"Through and through GSW to her right upper leg. Likely nicked her femoral artery, and hit her femur, too." says Trent after a few seconds of looking at the wound a little closer.

"Can we move her?" someone asks.

Trent does what he can with the supplies he has. He flashes back to Manila. His hands are red and sticky and a million things were running through his mind, just as they did that night. Except this time, it isn't his brother counting on him. "We don't have a choice."

Trent preps the young woman for the journey. After giving her a shot of morphine, he jerry-rigs a tourniquet to accommodate where the wounds are located. The SEAL doesn't miss the way the woman's eyes are slowly drifting shut, even though he can see her fighting to keep them open. _Just keep fighting_, he thinks, then motions to the team that it's now or never.

As soon as Four said it was safe to do so, Sonny gently picked Mia up and the group began the trek to the plane. Three miles might as well have been thirty. Between stopping so Bravo Four could change Mia's soaked bandages, to switching who carried the young woman so no one got too worn down, to constantly reassuring the parents that they were almost there and that everyone was doing all they could, to the less than ideal terrain and the increasing winds, all nine people and one canine made it to the plane minutes before it was scheduled to take off.

(How they managed to park the C17 on a small airstrip this close to the village without raising any flags amazed all of Bravo, but no one questioned how Mandy pulled it off.)

When they arrived, various personal spilled out to led aid where they could. Blackburn and Ellis were among the masses, and both stopped short at the sight of five of the seven SEALs covered in blood.

"It isn't theirs." Jason quickly states when Mandy and Eric's eyes go wide at the sight of Ray, Sonny, Trent, Brock and Clay, who was setting Mia down on an offered gurney. "Stray bullet hit the girl."

"Wheels up in two mics. I'll have a team standing by for us when we land." Eric looks at the state of his men, how the dirt stuck to the blood and sweat of them all (even Cerberus, but sans blood). He was glad they got to the family before the rebels hit the village, but if that girl doesn't make it… "You all get some rest."

Hayes turns to the group as a commotion builds. Ray and Clay are standing between the mother and Trent, who is helping the other medics work on Mia, trying to keep her calm and out of Four's way so they can take off. Brock and Sonny are with the father, who has slowly been spiraling downhill the longer he was kept away from his daughter. Cerb is still connected to the leash clipped to Brock's belt, growling lowly.

Jason was beginning to hope the entire plane ride isn't like this when the father jumps forward in an effort to get to Mia. In doing so, he punches Sonny, catching the Texan by utter surprise before he pushes Brock back to into a short stack of unsecured crates that collapse on and around him.

Clay is the first one to reach the father, tries to pull his arms behind his back before a stray elbow crosses his face. Stunned as blood dripped over his eye, Spenser releases his hold ever so slightly, but Ray and Jason are there to pick up the slack. Soon Eric steps into the picture, and leads the father away while Mandy does the same with the mother.

Cerberus barks at anyone who isn't Bravo-still attached to the leash but unhurt by the crates that fell-until Brock calms him down as he gets to his feet.

Trent saw or heard everything go down. He couldn't respond to the parents questions about Mia, and was thankful his brothers stepped in to so he and the other medics had space to work. Four heard the father punch Sonny, looks over just in time to see Brock pushed into the crates. He doesn't miss the blood that comes out of the cut on Five's head, or the one that Spenser receives when he catches an elbow over his left eye. Trusting that they have the situation handled, he turns his attention back to Mia.

This all happened quickly.

Takeoff was only delayed thirty-two seconds.

**AN: Final chapter coming sometime Sunday.**


	3. The Aftermath of It All

**AN: Here is the final chapter of this small story. Big thanks to those who took the time to review, and to those who favorited/followed along this journey. As a writer, this really means a lot :)**

**Warning: dream descriptions of Major Character Deaths.**

Chapter 3: The Aftermath of It All

**After**

He wakes up in a cold sweat. His covers are somewhere on the floor and his pillow is clutched tightly in one hand. It doesn't take Trent long to realize he's in his own home, safe. It does take him a while for his racing heart to slow. He looks at his watch, _3:14am_.

Sawyer heads for the kitchen, parched, and passes Reynolds who is soundly asleep on the floor by the couch. That man really can sleep anywhere. Cerberus was wide awake, sitting up and watching Four with keen eyes, asking in his own canine-way, _Are you okay, brother?_ Trent finds himself nodding.

Eventually Trent got back in bed, but sleep eludes him. He stared at the ceiling, playing the events over in his head, trying to figure out how he could change the outcome. But the results were always the same.

He showered, dressed, went for a run, showered and dressed again before the sun even rose. By the time Four saw Brock's curly head pop up from the floor, he was finishing a protein shake by the counter.

"Sleep well?" he asks between sips of something berry mixed with whey.

"I had something that resembled sleep. Does that count?" Brock vanishes for a few minutes to get cleaned up. He grabs his bag and calls for Cerberus. "Thanks for letting us crash here. Really didn't want to spend a night in the infirmary."

"Any time." Trent hands over a shake, gestures towards Five's bandage. "Make sure you keep it dry and change the dressing twice a day."

"Ugh, you make that sound like a salad or something." Brock chuckles as he heads for his truck.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. That night, Trent didn't dream. He woke up refreshed, ready to take on the day. This happened once more, and he again woke up to the same feeling. Finally, he was in the clear.

Those were the only two dreamless nights that passed before the dream returned in the form of a recurring nightmare.

Each time was different.

Instead of it being someone Bravo was sent to rescue, it was a member of Bravo who needed help.

But there was no one to rescue them.

And no one to help.

That first night it was the rebels who saw Ray and Brock atop the hill before the others realized something was wrong. An RPG destroyed the hill, and the three SEALs atop it, in the blink of an eye.

After waking from that dream and taking a few minutes to calm himself, Trent manages to fall asleep, only for the rest of the night to be much of the same. The only change in the nightmare is the fact that the entire op was a set up, and all of Bravo was cut down by the rebels and the boys of the village. That time, HAVOC had ISR to see it all play out.

It didn't stop there.

If Trent didn't dream of all of Bravo going out at once, it was of them meeting their end, one by one by one (by one by one by one by one), and that was truly worse.

Clay dies fighting a rebel twice his size, weaponless, away from his brothers. He never stood a chance, but he still gave it his all, until his head was bashed in with a rock and there was literally nothing left to give.

Or...

Sonny dies buying his brothers time. He wasn't a sniper, but the others were too injured to fight let alone pull a trigger. He stood his ground, weapon blazing, until his ground was gone and a wave of enemies washed over him. The last thing he saw was his brothers safely flying away.

Or...

Ray dies protecting his leader, his best friend, because those kids can't lose their other parent. Naima and the kids would understand. If the last thing he did in this world was take a bullet for Jason-for any of his brothers-then that's fine by him.

Or...

Brock and Cerberus die at the same time, after an intense battle of blades and teeth. When the canine SEAL sees the rebel drive a knife deep into his owner's chest-into his human-he leaps at the rebel and grabs his throat. Cerb feels something in his own chest, but doesn't let go until the enemy stills. The last thing he hears is how he's the best boy, ever.

Or…

Jason dies protecting everyone, because that's just what he does. There was no way he would stand by and watch the rebels behead all members of his team while he stood by, so he offered himself up instead. He promised to protect them to the end, and that's what he did.

Or...

Trent himself dies not because of the bullet wound itself, but because he couldn't treat the wound. He dies because he didn't have supplies. He dies because his hands don't work. He dies because he's too slow and he just bleeds out. He dies because he's alone and his brothers are nowhere to be found. Somehow, all of this is his fault.

Sometimes he wakes up in a cold sweat, but not always. And after the first two dreams, he stopped trying to get back to sleep. Instead he opts for a run to clear his mind. Once he made the mistake of calling Brock after a dream, but hug up before the call connected.

That's probably why Jason insisted on Team Sleepovers (as Sonny called it).

Trent insisted he was fine, that no one needed to check up on him as he wasn't one who was hurt on the last op (he glared at Brock and Clay as he said this). But the dark circles under his eyes told a different story. Jason convinced Blackburn that Bravo needed an extra few days off to fully heal. How he managed that, he didn't know and wasn't about to question it. Regardless, the guys had extra time to get back to square one mentally, physically and probably emotionally.

Not wanting to overdue it all at once, they take turns staying with Trent. Cerberus barked, likely offering his and Brock's charming personalities up first. Naima was out of town with the kids, so Jason crashed at Ray's, while Clay stayed with Sonny.

By the sixth day, after everyone had a chance to stay at Sawyer's place for a night, the guys all realized how bad Trent's nightmares were.

If he didn't wake up in a silent cold sweat, he awoke on the floor, yelling. If the dream didn't have him trapped in its hold, and he was forced to watch his brothers die over and over, unable to do a single thing to help them, he was free to move about, though the ending never changed.

Day seven saw Bravo get together for beers and a game. Trent went to bed early, clearly worn thin and not up for the festivities. Sixty-four minutes passed before a crash came from his room.

Each member of Bravo has been in the service for many years, and they knew how important it was to not wake a sailor when they were in such a state. But this was a dire time and they had no choice lest Trent hurt himself. They all prepared for Sawyer to come to swinging, so Jason opts to be the one to wake their brother while the others stand back.

It takes a minute of shaking Trent pretty hard, but Jason is finally able to get through the thick cloud of the dream. When Trent wakes, he is welcomed to the sight of six pairs of worried eyes and one wagging tail.

Trent wants to ask why his team is in his room, why he is on the floor, but he already knows the answer before he can even finish the thought. And when Jason asks him what happened, Four slowly goes into great detail about how they all died on the last mission and he couldn't do anything to save them.

Jason was good at speeches. Ray too, when the time called for one. Sonny could offer some solid Southern wisdom. Brock was quiet, but when he had something to say, it often went a long way. Clay knew Trent well enough to know when the best thing the medic needed was for someone to just be there.

And Bravo was.

It was the evening before Bravo was set to return to duty when Blackburn called Jason and gave him an update. As Hayes kept the Lt. Commander up to speed on the team's whereabouts during their short hiatus, Eric kept tabs on the recovery of a certain missionary and her family.

The following morning, Jason mentions in passing that Mia Hartley was out of the ICU and healing well, thanks to whatever it is Trent did in the field (and the medics on the plane). She would have more than a year of therapy to have a fighting chance at walking again, but she kept her leg and was in good spirits.

No one misses the weight of relief that leaves Trent's shoulders.

It is hard to say if his nightmares were connected to whether or not the Hartley's daughter would survive. Hard to say if his fear of failing the girl led to his nightmares of him losing his brothers as a result of his own actions or shortcomings.

Some things one simply cannot know.

Trent knows his brothers understood what he was going through, even if he didn't tell them everything. Bravo was there for him when he needed them. And sometimes, that was the best thing a brother can offer.

FIN

**AN: my nightmares can be pretty bad sometimes... so I basically made Trent suffer with me. Because I'm nice. :)**

**See y'all around!**


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